Friday, July 27, 2007

Forever Fat

I spent some time last night thinking about Flabulous' challenge. I think it's sad that it's so difficult for people to find good things about themselves, and that includes fat people.

I was wondering why I, myself, consider my perfect weight to be the one I was at for all of four months of my life. I was at 155 for a whole four months and I got there:
1) At 25
2) By dancing six hours four nights a week and doing Tae Bo every day
3) By having my tonsils out and essentially not eating

These things are not ever going to be available to me again. I can excercise every day, but eight hours of aerobic fun just aren't available when you have a small person. The metabolism of a 25 year old is gone forever, and not eating is really not an option.

However, the good I felt for those four months has never left me, and it worries me that even if I get to 175, that I will always strive for those 20lbs that are likely to never come off. When you're fat, does that mean that you're fat forever?

It's such a defining thing, and others contribute to this as much as we do. It's immediate and quantifyable. People make many snap judgements about someone who is fat, primarily bestowing upon them a lack of self-control, and a lack of self-esteem. There is a reason that fat people are seen in our society, and frankly in most socities, as not just available victims for cruel humor, but actually voluntary victims of cruel humor.

The people that we see on weight loss shows or shilling for programs like WW or Jenny Craig, those people who lose 250lbs; how long do they keep the weight off before they are allowed to feel like thin people?

As we've discussed here, there is an actual metabolic difference between those people who are never heavy and those who begin heavy and then lose. Is there a fundimental, biological response in people to that difference? Is there always a fat person lurking in that thin person's body?

The one thing I think of is the Ben Stiller character in Dodge Ball. Someone who was once fat, is now in shape, but is obsessive about distancing himself from other "losers", with food and with excercise. Kind of like the jerkoff I sent the email to below there is a sense that if a person is successful at weight loss they must villify those who are overweight in order to be sure they never get that way again.



If you are heavy, no matter what you weigh are you ever anything but a hiding fatty?

I think the answer for me might be "no". That makes me sad.

LizzieBean Loves Herself Just As She Is

Lizzie at Fat Lady Singz has finished her "Just as I am" challenge post. She writes about finding it difficult to do and I'm in 100% agreement with her there. Not that it's hard to find five things about Lizzie that are fabulous, but that it's hard to look at yourself and find five things to truly, unreservedly love. I think if it had been ten things I wouldn't have been able to do it.

Lizzie writes:

So here it goes - 5 positive things about me:

1. I am funny. I think my humor would be considered “dry”. I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. And I do.
2. I have great ankles. It’s one part of my body that I’ve always loved. Great ankles - flow nicely into my feet (which aren’t bad either).
3. I am ambitious, driven and an eternal optimist. I do love that about myself. If something needs to get done - I will get it done. I can keep my spirit up in the worst of times and I can pass that on to others in need.
4. I have great hair. It’s thick, bouncy and it’s always been a great color (it gets a little help now!)
5. I am artistically talented. I do love that about myself. I can and do create. I can take something empty and void and make it vibrate.


She's awesome. And awfully responsive for having done it so quickly! You go, Lizzie!

Why is it so hard to be as good to ourselves as we would to our friends?

More on that in a following post.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Where Things Stand

I don't have pictures yet, because I'm cramming for my upcoming fucking math test, but this morning I did step on the scale just to know where we're starting from. Considering that I haven't been dieting at all, it isn't that bad.

Starting weight: 207

Happy weight: 175

30lbs is a lot on one hand, but on the other if Flabulous can lose 93, I can do a measly 30, right?

My goals for this next week are as follows:

1. Eat real meals. Three real meals. 1, 2, 3. And two snacks. Try and actually feel satisfied throughout the day rather than binging and starving.

2. 30 minutes of excercise a day. We just got a tredmill this past weekend. I'm going to start even just walking, but doing it fast and for 30 minutes.

3. Water as appropriate. I'm going to drink one glass of water for every glass of something else. Cup of coffee? 1 cup of water. Soda? 1 cup of water. Cup of water? 1 cup of water. I'm going to try and add water before I get rid of other stuff.

I think this is all doable and involves only small amount of sacrifice, which is good because I don't do so well with large amounts of sacrifice, you know? The moment I start feeling put-upon I get petulant and eat a doughnut. Petulant Poopyhands would be an excellent nickname.

What are your three goals for the week?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

GODDAMNIT. I've been inspired.

Damn. Damn damn damn damn.

DAMN!

The amazing Flabulous is a blog that was recommended to me by LizzieBean at The Fat Lady Sings. What horrors has this fabulous New Zealander imposed upon me? She has inspired me.

BAD FELLOW BLOGGER.

At Flabulous he has imbeded episodes of what she calls FlabTV, where she rocks out, spills her guts, talks about cheating after lap band surgery, talks about sex, shows her body, and talks about how as fat people, sometimes we stink. I think she's very brave, not to mention totally cute.

Now I just feel all inspired to do things like put up photos of myself in a swimsuit and be accountable to all other weightloss bloggers out there. It scares me. I'm inspired and it scares me.

But what's the worst thing that could happen? What's the worst? That I don't lose any weight? That I have to tell you about it? Hell, I've already had someone call "Suuuuuuiiieee" to me on the street, how much worse could it get?

So I'm starting again. Tonight when I get home I'll step on the scale. I have a wedding to go to in Mid-September, and I'm going to see how much weight I can lose before then by eating right and excercising. This time, rather than saying that I'm going to put pictures up, I'm really going to do it.

YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, FLABULOUS!

Also, I'm going to participate in the Just As I Am challenge that she has going on at her blog. The rules are these:

So I challenge other bloggers out there to take part in the same life changing exercise...Instead of concentrating on the negative points of why you want to loose weight and what you hate about yourself...how about writing 5 points about who you are and why you are ok just like that, they can be quirky, embarrassing, brutally honest, boring it doesn't matter...You are perfect, you are unique and you should accept yourself with all your quirks--'Just as you are'...Make sure you write it honestly and positively as I have done above. It will be a list that you might need to revisit every day for the next year to remind yourself, that you are ok, and your life is going to turn out ok...but more importantly it will be an affirmation to yourself and the first step in appreciating YOU just as you are.

Here's how it works...Take up the challenge yourself then choose 5 people to tag...list those chosen ones on your blog under your entry and then visit their blog and write them a comment letting them know they have been 'tagged' to take part in the challenge...keep track of who participates and record their links on your blog as they post their entries.Eventually we will be able to follow a trail from everyone's blog linking to other blogs and their tagged blogs etc...it could be huge... Tell your blogging mates...and lets start a craze and grow and learn to love ourselves through doing this.Plus, inspired by 2kbloggers, my dream is to set up a photo montage, of ALL who participate, with links back to their individual blog posts...Now I am getting goose bumps...IMAGINE a photo montage of 2,000 'Fatbloggers' accepting themselves...Just as they are! Ok, Ok so I am thinking Big!!!! I always do...but if you think this is a neat idea then get onboard and lets start making an impact sort of like the 'pay it forward' phenomenon. And if you would like to be on the montage...start sending me your photo's with links to your challenge post...so that I can set it up.


Here we go:

FIVE THINGS ABOUT ME THAT ARE AWESOME

1. I am smart. Not kind of smart or halfway smart, but really, truly smart.
2. I am pretty. My face has a nice look to it, an honest look to it. I lucked out in the face department. I like my face pretty much every time I see it.
3. I am passionate. I have honest and true responses to things. I let the outside world affect me and change and motivate me. I love deeply and with great loyalty. Given my childhood, this is a pretty amazing thing.
4. I have beautiful hands. They are long-fingered and tapered and perfect. Even when I'm overweight they are pretty. I love my hands.
5. I look good in all hats. I look really amazingly cute in hats. Totally cute. I should wear them, because I look totally and utterly cute in them. I am just the kind of person that can wear a hat.

These may not seem important, but it took some doing to make myself write them. It's hard to have a blog that highlights your imperfections and then to sit down and point out why you should like what you see, but you know, I really do.

It's your turn. Five things. Nothing tongue-in-cheek, and no apologizing or qualifying. Just five true things that are awesome about you.

I tag:

1. LizzieBean at FatLadySingz - COMPLETE!
2. Hsien Hsien at Cottontimer
3. Dawn at Sticky Note To Self - COMPLETE!
4. Tertia at So Close**
5. Baggage at Baggage and Bug**

6. JavaJeanelaine at Queen O'Java - COMPLETE!

**Neither of these women post about weight loss, but both have had kind of a down time lately and I think they should post five good things anyway.

Ready? Set? GO!

And stay tune for pictures of my fat ass. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE IT.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Disagree With You, Turdface.

The email I just sent:

Dear Rob,

I was sent your article by a friend published in the 07/2007 edition of Buzz News, page 37, who was hurt deeply by what you wrote. When I went back and read your article I found myself appreciative of your intent, but annoyed by your assumptions. I would like to see the scientific support for your assertions. A recent study reported by the New York Times refutes your theory directly.

It seems that, in fact, fat people are eating merely until they "feel full", just as thin people do. Unfortunately their systems report that they are full much later than those of naturally thin folks. Also, that those who are naturally thin will remain so, and those who's genetics encourage a higher weight will fight the forces of starvation to remain slim.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/health/08fat.html?_r=1&ref=health&oref=slogin

"So Dr. Hirsch and his colleagues, including Dr. Rudolph L. Leibel, who is now at Columbia University, repeated the experiment and repeated it again. Every time the result was the same. The weight, so painstakingly lost, came right back. But since this was a research study, the investigators were also measuring metabolic changes, psychiatric conditions, body temperature and pulse. And that led them to a surprising conclusion: fat people who lost large amounts of weight might look like someone who was never fat, but they were very different. In fact, by every metabolic measurement, they seemed like people who were starving.

“Those who doubt the power of basic drives, however, might note that although one can hold one’s breath, this conscious act is soon overcome by the compulsion to breathe,” Dr. Friedman wrote. “The feeling of hunger is intense and, if not as potent as the drive to breathe, is probably no less powerful than the drive to drink when one is thirsty. This is the feeling the obese must resist after they have lost a significant amount of weight.”

Thus, the more weight you lose, the more your body insists it must eat. Rather than overcoming a "hurdle" of initial correct eating, a person who is genetically disposed to a higher weight must battle a constant insistence from the body that it's starving, and such a bodily demand increases over time, rather than diminishes.

While you are correct that diets do not work, and in fact are harmful:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/04/070404162428.htm

there is zero scientific evidence published to show that any but the smallest portion of those who either diet or make lifestyle changes, such as yourself, retain their weight loss over the long term.

I applaud your personal weight loss, however, I would like to suggest that perhaps you were merely blessed with good genetics and had to learn how to eat to fit your personal genetically-created appetite. For others it is a constant struggle with very little chance of success; no matter what form of diet or life philosophy the attempt may take.

I also would like to state that the t-shirt you've chosen to make your point may have been intended to be humorous, but it is, in fact, juvenile and pedestrian.

I do not expect to alter your personal perception of The Way Things Are. Like those who are devoted to one kind of diet or one belief about the cause of weight loss, your article implies slavish devotion to believing you've discovered the One True Way. I would like to go on record as someone who disagrees vehemently, who feels that you are lacking in anything other than anecdotal evidence to back up your claims, and who would feel deep embarrassment on your behalf if I saw you and your colleagues in public with those crass, juvenile t-shirts.

When balancing the problem of discrimination and degradation toward those who are overweight with the issue of the health problems of the obese becoming universally accepted, I must say that to my mind discrimination is far and away the more prevalent. I cannot fault those who are overweight for seeking equal treatment and acceptance in society. Many are overweight due to illness, genetics, or emotional trauma. I find nothing offensive in a group of individuals attempting to band together to support one another in a society that consistently tells them that they are sub-class citizens. I find your attitude toward those individuals alarmist, degrading, and reflective of a social attitude that states that if you are an overweight individual and are not constantly apologetic for such, and constantly locked in a struggle with the scale, you do not show enough repentance and are deserving of public ridicule.

Were you not on a personal crusade to shame fat people further into thinness (and there is also no historical evidence of this approach being effective to reduce the weight of the general populace) I would merely assume you were a misguided individual with the next great craze that will go nowhere and delete buzznews.com from my inbox. However, your intention to stake out and shame the fat folks is reprehensible and I felt a responsibility to write to you and let you know that, not only are your assumptions incorrect, but your actions are offensive.

From one human being deserving of respect to another, please reconsider your plans.

Sincerely,

Krissy Poopyhands


If you're interested in reading the article, it can be found here:

http://buzznews.net/pdfs/072007Springfield.pdf

On page 37.

Please feel free to email the author with your thoughts.

****************************

EDITED TO INCLUDE ROB'S REPLY:

"Thanks for the note. I don't need scientific evidence. I am living proof, as well as the hundreds of people who have lost weight on my program. Why would you go to the medical community and ask them if you are hungry, do they know? The medical community only make $$$ of fat people. If they new something we would be getting thinner and a nation not fatter. NAFBR is popular for the people taking responsibility and offensive to those who are taking the easy way out. Survey results 29% strongly agree with NAFBR and 2% strongly agree with NAAFA (fat acceptance).

Comment posted from my survey:
I am morbidly obese and I agree with your mission statement completely. People, myself included, need to be responsible for their own actions.
Anonymous

I'll keep pushing for people to become healthy and you keep looking for scientific data.

Best,
Rob"


MY RESPONSE TO ROB:


"I don't need scientific evidence."

Thanks for the reply! This is a perfect summation of your program. I will be getting the word out.

Sincerely,

Krissy Baker


*******************

Let us review: People don't like fat people. His program works because he says it does. He doesn't believe in scientific evidence. NIH is apparently making money off all fatties. His program approval is an anonymous comment from someone who is morbidly obese.

Great. Let me get right on that train! This is sure to work!

Jagoff.