The Right Thing To Do

So, Peeps, I'm back at Weight Watchers. We just had our first meeting and oh, how different it is from the first WW meeting I was ever at.

They've gotten cleverer and cleverer and more streamlined. They've also really gotten good at defining and motivating weight loss. It seems stupid and cliche, but I really did leave the meeting feeling like I could do this. And not because I'm a total superhero, yeah man! but because one step at a time is all it takes.

Not unlike what Kate and Dawn have been saying here. Baby steps.

My weigh-in was 205.4. That was painful, but not NEARLY as painful as I thought it would be. If I can be at 205.4 and eat a plateful of cookies every night, think what will happen when I stop.

Hang in there with me. I don't want to look like this anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. The only person I'm hurting is me. I want to give myself permission to get out of fat jail.

Dear Krissy Poopyhands:

LET ME OUT OF FAT JAIL!

Love,

Krissy Poopyhands

A Visit to WW Past

Kate was kind enough, in the comments below, to post:

So my point is, I think you'll enjoy it, I certainly hope so. Good luck!!!

She's right. I'm a return visitor to the Weight Watchers program. I generally lose 20lbs or so on WW (although I've never started it as heavy as I am now). Historically I last longer with WW than with anything else, and they helped form the basis of what I understand as healthy eating, particularly in terms of portions.

I get frustrated easily with the program because the recepies all tend to include items that I can't have too often. Lemon or onions, mostly. Without those ingredients, many of the recepies are inedibly disgusting.

Still, the idea is great and the weekly weigh-in is good motivation.

This time around I'm stressed. REALLY STRESSED. I'm eating like a maniac, and while I should stop it, I don't feel so inclined. In fact, I feel inclined to STUFF MY FUCKING FACE FUCK YOU WEIGHT WATCHERS. I was waiting for a zen moment to stop hating myself and stop eating cookie dough and sign up, but then I figured that if I wait for that zen moment it will never happen.

So I joined. I join with resentment and grumpiness and no expectation of success, but I join. Hopefully I'll start losing and my attitude will catch up.

Weight Fucking Watchers

I just joined Weight Watchers. I'm feeling very, very surly about it. In my head I'm DARING someone to tell me I can't eat brownies.

I don't know that this is a good beginning.

Back after a long hiatus

I'm back because I hate myself.

I'm back here because during this stressful part of my life I have been eating and eating and eating just to try and cover up how lost and alone and in-over-my-head I feel.

I can't stand pictures of me. I can't stand seeing my reflection in a window. And I can't stop eating.

I hate myself.