I don't know about you, but the moment I decide to eat less and excercise more, even if I haven't actually done it yet, even if I'm in the middle of a huge hunk of chocolate cake when I decide to crawl back, broken bleeding and fat, on the wagon, my brain starts with the daydream list.
The list of Things I want to do/wear when I'm no longer horrified by my body.
Now I know there are folks out there who have never liked their bodies, and I totally grok that. I didn't like my body until I was 23 years old, and then I fucking loved it until I was 26. My weight was between 160 (too skinny) and 175 (jus' perfect) for those three years and I was fit and pretty happy with it. Sure, I had to suck in my gut a little, but my boobs stayed big and my ghetto booty sat proudly on its own. I looked strong, felt good. It was good. I was an hourglass with muscles; all woman and lovely and strong with it.
That is how I would like to feel again. I will never be teensy, but I'd love to be tall and lithe again and to feel like my legs start at my hips rather than my knees.
A LIST OF DAYDREAMS I HAVE ABOUT WHAT I WILL DO WHEN I'M AT MY GOAL WEIGHT
1. Halloween Costumes - This is one of my all-time favorite daydreams, Peeps. There are several things I'd like to be for Halloween if I had to body to show off. Right now I can, off the top of my head, think of three: A) The chick from the Cake song "Short Skirt and a Long Jacket" B) Mrs. Lovett (with The Troublemaker as Todd, of course) and C) a hero of mine, Xena Warrior Princess. Ideally, MoVo would be Gabrielle because she would totally be perfect for it. I daydream constantly about great Halloween costumes. When TT and I were first married I made myself a cleopatra costume and hot DAMN it was hot and cute. I'd love to feel like that again.
2. Work clothes - Oh, god how I dream of just walking into a store like Talbots or Ann Taylor and taking something classic and chic and Audry Hepburn off the rack and just putting it on, paying for it and walking out. A suit with a little flare. A casual slack with a jazzy sweater. Nothing not age-appropriate, but oh-so-cute.
3. Casual clothes - I dream of making myself high-wasted, wide-legged comfortable pants like Katherine Hepburn used to wear all the time and not looking like a stuffed sausauge. Shirts that stop at my nautral waist rather than riding down my butt. Yoga pants with long tank tops that are casual-chic.
4. Dresses. Oh dresses. I don't even know where to begin with the dresses. I miss dresses so much, and more importantly I miss feeling sexy in dresses. I want to walk into a store and have my choice of the whole place again, rather than the choice of the four or five things that actually fit me.
I daydream. Do you?
Here's hoping I reach my Xena.
1 comment:
Katherine Hepburn pants are a great dream! I do love the high-waisted look...but I've even seen some thin girls that looked like stuffed sausages in them so I don't think those will ever be a reality for me!
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