So I excercised my butt off this weekend, Peeps. Having my iPod come back was a godsend. P!nk's U + UR HAND is the perfect song for pounding down the treadmill and punching the air. Biking is done perfectly to Bowling for Soup. I kicked some workout ass, and I can tell. My thighs are starting to get the rock-hard muscle undernieth and my belly keeps getting smaller.
I went to a pool party on Saturday and my swimsuit was too big, yay!
Mentally, I haven't been doing quite as well (see Speckblog soon for the nitty gritty) and so on Saturday night The Troublemaker bought me some cake to be comforting.
Do you know, I MADE myself eat that cake? Do you want to know why? Because I actually caught myself thinking about how horrible and guilty I would feel for eating that cake and what a terrible person I'd be and how much better a human being I'd be if I didn't touch it.
In other words, my obsession tried to flip from EAT EVERYTHING NOW to DON'T EAT ANYTHING EVER.
I know this train, Peeps. It involves a ton of guilt, a boatload of repression and denial and it derails promptly a month after it starts with some major deprivation binge eating.
NO. I'm not going to be one of those girls. NO. NO. Will not happen. I'm going to eat cake, just not until I want to throw up. I'm going to eat cookies, just not the whole box especially if I don't actually want the whole box. I'm not going to let food run me.
So on Saturday night, thanks to my lovely husband, I was able to eat a nice-sized piece of cake. I gave myself unbridled permission to eat as much as I wanted and it turns out that I wanted a slice. Not the whole thing, but a slice. I did not expect to only want a slice, but I did.
Importantly, today I do not feel either self-ritious or deprived. I don't need to prove anything by not eating or prove anything by eating everything I see, because today food is not about proving stuff. It's just food.
I don't want to be a stupid girl.
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the other day I was craving peanut butter and I had just received a jar of ultra-lowfat PB called Better N Butter in the mail. It has, like, 2 g of fat per serving. It *kind of* tasted like the real thing but as I ate it, I kept thinking, "I'd be so much happier with the real, high fat version." so I broke open my hubby's jar and dug in. I don't think my craving would'vebeen satisfied had I eaten the whole jar of the low-fat kind. Lesson: Sometimes you need to indulge - you may wind up eating less than you would have otherwise.
Thanks for the Pink song rec!
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