More Rotten News

You know that starving feeling? Yeah, that won't go away.

Linked in from The Perfect World:

Genes Take Charge, and Diets Fall by the Wayside

So Dr. Hirsch and his colleagues, including Dr. Rudolph L. Leibel, who is now at Columbia University, repeated the experiment and repeated it again. Every time the result was the same. The weight, so painstakingly lost, came right back. But since this was a research study, the investigators were also measuring metabolic changes, psychiatric conditions, body temperature and pulse. And that led them to a surprising conclusion: fat people who lost large amounts of weight might look like someone who was never fat, but they were very different. In fact, by every metabolic measurement, they seemed like people who were starving.

“Those who doubt the power of basic drives, however, might note that although one can hold one’s breath, this conscious act is soon overcome by the compulsion to breathe,” Dr. Friedman wrote. “The feeling of hunger is intense and, if not as potent as the drive to breathe, is probably no less powerful than the drive to drink when one is thirsty. This is the feeling the obese must resist after they have lost a significant amount of weight.”

Then, The Upside Occurs

On the other hand, my dears, what this article proves is that there is now scientific and empircal evidence to show that we are NOT failures.

The people on diet adds? The ones who show off a trim and pretty figure after holding out their fat pants? Those people are freaks. Your average individual is not capable of joining WW or Jenny Craig and losing lots of weight and keeping it off long-term. It's the long-term keeping it off that's the thing. We can't do it.

I'm jealous of the freaks, but I'm no longer going to think that there's something wrong with me if I can't drop 50 pounds and keep it off. Science shows that there is NOTHING wrong with me. That eating a little better and trying to get in a little bit more excercise would probably help, and that trying to maintain is probably the best way to go.

I wish I was a 100lb losing freak, but I'm afraid I'm a non-losing normal.

You're normal! I'm normal!

Enough of the diets. Enough.

OH FUCKING HELL YOU FUCKING FUCKERS

Originally linked here.

Dieting Does Not Work, Researchers Report:

"What happens to people on diets in the long run?" Mann
asked. "Would they have been better off to not go on a diet at all? We decided
to dig up and analyze every study that followed people on diets for two to five
years. We concluded most of them would have been better off not going on the
diet at all. Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would
not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back."

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKERS.

That's it. THAT'S IT, science! Do you hear me? You have fucked with me for the last time!

I'm going off any diet other than trying to eat like a reasonable person and then when I'm done having kids I'm getting Lap Band bariatric surgery if I still feel fat and FUCK Y'ALL and your weight watchers and your slim fast shakes.

The Bell Has Rung

The gate has swung open. The horses are OFF!

And I'm standing in the stalls eating cookies.

"So how's the twelve-step program?!"

Well, seeing as I have not moved a muscle yet we can safely say that I have completed steps <1.

It's all I'm capable of at the moment, peeps. It really is. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and understanding and at some point I will really get to burning up the internets with my accounts of OA and food and blah blah blah.

Right now I appear to be seriously battling some depression and some expectations that I cannot hope to live up to.

I'll take that first step as soon as I can get up the courage to get out the door.

I'm Krissy Poopyhands and I'm an Addict

First of all, I'd like to extend a huge shout-out to Kate and Dawn who appear to not give up on this place even when I mostly have. You guys keep me thinking and typing and you rock. Thank you.

I have come to the conclusion over the last few days that I'm headed back to Overeaters Anonymous.

I don't want to go. I totally want to be what everyone thinks I am, someone who just like millions of others has trouble sticking with a diet. I want so badly to be someone merely overworked or someone who just needs a little guidance and help to improve my eating and excercise.

Instead I am me. I'm someone who uses food to control many aspects of life. I'm someone for whom food and the lack or excess thereof is tied in with deep, deep anger and self-loathing.

I have tried a thousand ways to Sunday to figure out how to get on top of this, but I have come to a very low place where I have to admit that I'm powerless over it. I'm lost. I'm as a drunk is to booze. I'm as an addict is to meth. I'm not merely lacking in a little bit of willpower, but lacking in any sort of ability to moderate or change. I'm careening off a cliff and despite seeing it coming and wanting to model decent food choices for my kid and, you know, not die, I can't stop. It's bad enough that to some, gastric surgery seems my only remaining alternative. That feels like a failure so profound I can't even breathe when I think about it.

I'm lost and desperate and miserable and lost. I'm hitting a low. A big low with all kinds of scary implications. I need help.

I wanted so much to be like everyone who has a weight struggle. I don't know what I'm struggling with, Peeps, but it's not weight. Something is in me that is a big black hole. It's demanding food and I'm totally without the ability or even the desire to say no.

I hate myself. I hate myself in a way so profound that I rarely allow myself to think about it.

This is a new chapter. There is no Weight Watchers or Biggest Loser. There are twelve steps and I'll be starting at number one.

Sometimes life fucking sucks.

So, How is it Going?

How IS it going?

HOW is it going?

How is IT going?

How is it GOING?

It, is going right out the window.

Fatter than I ever was and now school is on Mondays so that's my WW at Work out the window. I'm descouraged and fat. FAT fat fat fat eww fat.

I am going for riding lessons this Sunday for the first time since I was 9 years old. You know, in an effort to remember what it feels like to move my body doing something I enjoy.

Food is just too obsessive for me. I'm either a mental contortionist about it, but eating right, or gorging and making myself happy. Until I look in the mirror.

Fuck food I hate food.

I'd imagine Heroin junkies say the same thing about the drug.

Thin?

No.

I haven't had my weigh in yet today, Peeps, but this weekend it was All Christmas Cookies and Red Wine All the Time.

Dawn had some more kickass weight-loss. So GO HER! YAY Dawn! Yay!!

We have a Christmas party to go to tonight and I don't want to go because I'm afraid everyone will say to The Troublemaker, "So, why'd you leave your wife and hook up with the fat chick?"

Fatty McFatfat

Howdy!

I just got back from my WW meeting. I have gained weight, which I knew, which was not a surprise given the binge-cookie eating at work and at home. I stopped eating well and stopped tracking points, which for me is the kiss of death.

I expected it, I knew it was coming, I could tell just by looking at myself that it was going to be bad. The thing is, I'm still crushed. As thought my eating behavior and what the scale says aren't related things.

There is such a disconnect in my mind between what goes in my mouth and the way that I look.

I'm beginning to track again today, and I'm going to be eating within my point range. I hate myself today. Usually people have fallbacks, but after only five pounds?? I need to lose at least 40. Five pounds into it and I'm on the way back up.

What is WRONG with me?

Weigh in - 201.4
Gain - +1.8
Total loss - 4


Four measly pounds.

Weigh In

Krissy Poopyhands Checking In.

Hi, Dawn, Kate and ELEE and other reading Peeps. I didn't updated for all this time because I was paranoid. I fell of the wagon with a resounding THUD. I did okay in England, but it was hard to turn down stuff like the airplane food. This past week I didn't even TRY to journal and just kind of kept to WW acceptable food. Kind of did more Core than points.

I was not just worried I hadn't lost, I was pretty sure I'd gained. My goal for the England trip was to gain only 2lbs and then my goal for the week after was to lose the 2lbs. If I had weighed in today at the same weight as two weeks ago, that would have been okay, but I was nervous that I'd wind up singing the fatty song at myself.

Instead, I weighed in today at 199.6

So if I gained 2lbs, I then lost 3.6.

I'm 1.4 down from where I was at my last weigh in and, more important to me psychologically, I'm back into the 100s. It feels marvelous. I'm nervous, because I did eat a whole BOX OF COOKIES earlier this week, so I don't feel like my eating is under control. At the same time, I haven't done any damage that's making me feel hopeless or useless.

I'm going to try my best to get back on plan. PLEASE LET ME GET BACK ON PLAN.

205.4 to 199.6 - A loss of almost 6lbs. For reference sake, I lost this fish.

Bye, bye fishie! Here's hoping there's another one leaving soon!

How are you doing, peeps? And thank you all for keeping me updated. You guys posting here is keeping me from hiding my head and pretending that fat doesn't exist until I turn into balloon woman and cry and cry and cry. So you rock.

KP

Speaking Too Soon

Dawn (who is doing VERY well, YAY DAWN!) said she envied me all the crap I got to eat on vacation. The thing is, Peeps, that it wasn't good. It's amazing how quickly your body gets used to decent meals and...

Well, you know how people who are seriously dehydrated are given only small amounts of water at first, even though they want to guzzle a ton? You know how people with frostbite are put in lukewarm water because the shock of hot water would kill them?

Well, it was kind of like that with the pizza.

God, I was sick. I puked. Blerg. The only two meals I really enjoyed were the chicken salad and the small jacket potato. The rest of them were too large and too heavy and left me feeling logey and pukey.

Last night I made a huge chicken salad for The Troublemaker and I and it went down happily and stayed down happily.

I was going to come here and post all of this with a sense of self-ritious fooferah. After all, although I cheated, I didn't actually enjoy it. YAY for my ethics, right?

Except that I'm so hungry today, Peeps, that for safety's sake you should keep well back of me. I'm going to eat off my own hand I'm so hungry. And I don't want more salad I want more CRAP.

The days when you finish your lunch by 11 am are days that are going to be LOOONNNNG.

Dawn also asked below if the WW treats are any good. I like them, Dawn, and another alternative is to get the packs of 100 Calorie treats at Jewel. They are two points apiece and the cookie ones are surprisingly cookie-tasting. They are crunchy and sweet and you can control how many points you get. Because they are pre-packaged they are self-limiting. You open a package and wolf it down and then get to take a break and really think about whether or not you want to open another one.

There was a chocolate fountain here today and I didn't have any. In fact, although I've been pigging, it's all WW safe and I'm still within my points.

That does not mean I don't feel like I'm going to die. Because I do. I'm going to eat my own head and die.

Holiday Results

Hi there!

So in the comments below we found that Kate got through Turkey day having only put on a pound (after losing 15 initially) and that Dawn has lost 1.6 pounds in spite of the Holiday.

I wish I had news that good, but the airline food and hotel food and nights out conspired against me. The Troublemaker swears that I haven't undone all the good I initially did and that it's not as bad as I think it is. I'm hoping I kept it to my 2 pound maximum goal, but we'll see. I should have weighed in yesterday but I was still on vacation.

It helped (and this sounds so stupid but it did) that I was feeling pretty ill while I was in London. I ate almost nothing on Saturday because I didn't think I could keep it down. I also nixed the drinking after night two. Man, I felt awful. Too much food two quickly. My body isn't used to that anymore!

It's amazing how fast your body gets used to a reasonable amount of food.

The weigh-in next week will tell all. I'm back on the wagon as of today. Congratulations to Kate and Dawn for having fun and still meeting their own expectations! Very, very cool.

PMS is my Nemesis

Oh, this week is one day old, Peep, and it's already tough as hell. I'm in the mood for eleventymillion doughnuts chased down by a large pizza and a Slurpee.

I had oatmeal for breakfast and then a banana, but I also got a sandwich when I stopped at 7-11 on my way to school. The sandwich was a turkey and swiss on pita bread with no mayo or anything and I figured that while the cals were high, the nutrition content was also much greater than, say, an APPLE FRITTER.

I'm now an hour out of finishing the sandwich and I still feel full, which is a good sign. Maybe cheating on the heavily nutritous stuff will help keep me on plan better than cheating on the empty calories.

Whatever. My goal for this coming T-Giving week is to only gain 2 pounds. It may seem crazy, but we're travelling to London and staying in a hotel and going out with friends and family for every meal. I think that a gain of 2 pounds or less could be considered a success. I'm going to try not to angst over every curry or guilt myself out of having fun.

At the same time I don't want to undo the good I've done already.

What do you think about this holiday? Are you going to try and keep losing, or is a small weight-gain worth it? What is your goal?

WW Weigh In

First of all, let me WOO HOO intrepid reader, Dawn, who has joined WW Online and will be struggling along with the rest of us. Way to fight the good fight, darlin!

As for me, I wasn't as good this weekend as I might have been. MoVo came over on Friday night and we got hammered, then I had pizza on Saturday because I was hung over. Then there was a T-Giving party last night.

I didn't do as poorly in these cases as I would have before WW, but I also didn't do great. Still:

Weight as of today: 201.0

Weight loss since last weigh-in: 2.6

Total pounds given away since start: 4.4

I'm feeling, if not exactly elated, a little pleased and smug today.

How are you doing this week, fellow weight-loss Peep?

Not Too Shabby - With A Mama's Help

So I missed the weigh-in this week, but I have to tell you that I'm feeling really good about everything.

I did go and visit mom this weekend, but because she's an old hand at WW she had WW-friendly snacks and meals ready to go. I went over my daily allowance a few times, but I don't think I used up all of my flex points for the week.

I'm getting used to consuming less. I still get hungry, but I also get full more quickly so I don't feel like I'm throwing food into a black hole. I actually get FULL.

I've also been off the sugar for two weeks and the change in my mood is remarkable. I'm just... stable. I get mad or sad or happy, but I don't get them all at once and they don't fluctuate wildly. I feel normal. Normal? Me?

The thing that prompted this desperate throwing-myself-at-Weight Watchers was a sudden and unattractive hanging gut. It was the grossest thing I've ever seen and it pulled at my body like a shirt that's too tight.

Well, it's gone. Whatever I've lost, my waist is back and my face is MUCH thinner. I feel better about myself.

Keep it up, me! It's working!

Love,

Me

Fickle, Fickle Digestive System

I'm sure there will be a backlash at some point, but yesterday I ate everything I wanted to and wound up three points under my daily points requirement. Today I had a banana for breakfast and am only now considering adding my usual oatmeal.

I no longer feel starved.

It's so weird. When I ate everything in sight I felt starvation constantly. Now I'm restricting what I eat to a reasonable amount and suddenly I'm not hungry anymore.

Guts are so fucking weird.

A P.S.

Oh, and the reason that I didn't gain wait this past week was those WW candies that I was counting as one point per candy? They are one point per PACK.

So the day I was starving it was because I was actually 7 points under my daily points. 7 points is a meal. I was missing a meal.

DURH.

Wearing My Big Girl Pants

Weight Watcher's Weigh-in today, peeps.

203.6

I've given away 1.8 pounds.

Wallace has a potty book and the final few pages say:

"YAY! I did it! And now I know I can!
I went in the potty and I will do it again!
No more diapers now, I'm as happy as can be,
I get to wear big-kid pants.
I'M SO PROUD OF ME!"

Last week I was in a very bad way, Peeps. It took me a few days to get my act together, and I wasn't true to my points allowance, but I had yet another breakthrough. It's the same breakthrough I've had before, but it's still true.

Without the sugar I'm on such an even keel. Two nights ago I was out and wanted to get Wallace a hair cut. We went to Burger King. I was defiant and full of toddler rage about food. I wanted that Burger King! So I got it.

And when I ate it, I found that while, yeah, it was nice, I actually cared about being healthy more. It immediately ceased being about what Weight Watchers would "let" me have, and started being a more mature, "What do I actually want?" type of thing.

Today I lost 1.8lbs, even with my oopses. This past week I did it, and now I know I can. I stuck with my points some days and I will do it again. No more fatty now, I'm as happy as can be. I can wear my Big Kid pants. I'M SO PROUD OF ME!

Hating What Is Good For Me

I started Weight Watchers last Monday, with my actual following-of-the-diet to begin on Tuesday. Except Tuesday was Jury Duty and Halloween, so that did not exactly go to plan.

Then Wendesday I did okay in the morning, but wound up feeling deprived and put-upon and gorged in the evening. Bye-bye, Wednesday!

Yesterday I was determined to follow my points allwance. Absolutely determined. And I did it. And I can tell you honestly that I don't know when I've ever been that hungry in my whole fucking life.

I had:

1 cup Cheerios - 2pts
1 cup No sugar soymilk - 2pts
1 large apple - 2pts
1 banana - 2 pts
1 sm tub bluberry lowfat yogurt - 3pts
1 pack of "fruities", no sugar candy - 8 pts
2 and a half servings of crock pot dinner (2/3 cup one serving) - 5pts
1 skinny cow ice cream sandwich - 2pts

That all adds up to my point allowance of 26 points.

Now, maybe it's just me, but that looks like a horribly megre amount of food. Where's lunch in that? Was the tub of fuckign yogurt lunch? Because it took me two seconds to eat it and it did nothing about the hunger.

My stomach was actually RUMBLING last night.

But I did it. I stuck to it. It made me crazy like someone going off the herion, but I did it.

And today I'm actually feeling ritious and good. DAMMIT. One day off sugar and I'm no longer experiencing the mood swings. Seriously. How come I cannot stay off it? I'm obviously much happier, not to mention my poor family, when I'm off the sugar and more emotionally stable.

I don't know if I'm ever going to learn this, but I'm going to try.

Today I've had two packets of lowfat oatmeal and a banana, and I'm still feeling ritious.

Cross your fingers for me, peeps. This is fucking HARD.

The Right Thing To Do

So, Peeps, I'm back at Weight Watchers. We just had our first meeting and oh, how different it is from the first WW meeting I was ever at.

They've gotten cleverer and cleverer and more streamlined. They've also really gotten good at defining and motivating weight loss. It seems stupid and cliche, but I really did leave the meeting feeling like I could do this. And not because I'm a total superhero, yeah man! but because one step at a time is all it takes.

Not unlike what Kate and Dawn have been saying here. Baby steps.

My weigh-in was 205.4. That was painful, but not NEARLY as painful as I thought it would be. If I can be at 205.4 and eat a plateful of cookies every night, think what will happen when I stop.

Hang in there with me. I don't want to look like this anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. The only person I'm hurting is me. I want to give myself permission to get out of fat jail.

Dear Krissy Poopyhands:

LET ME OUT OF FAT JAIL!

Love,

Krissy Poopyhands

A Visit to WW Past

Kate was kind enough, in the comments below, to post:

So my point is, I think you'll enjoy it, I certainly hope so. Good luck!!!

She's right. I'm a return visitor to the Weight Watchers program. I generally lose 20lbs or so on WW (although I've never started it as heavy as I am now). Historically I last longer with WW than with anything else, and they helped form the basis of what I understand as healthy eating, particularly in terms of portions.

I get frustrated easily with the program because the recepies all tend to include items that I can't have too often. Lemon or onions, mostly. Without those ingredients, many of the recepies are inedibly disgusting.

Still, the idea is great and the weekly weigh-in is good motivation.

This time around I'm stressed. REALLY STRESSED. I'm eating like a maniac, and while I should stop it, I don't feel so inclined. In fact, I feel inclined to STUFF MY FUCKING FACE FUCK YOU WEIGHT WATCHERS. I was waiting for a zen moment to stop hating myself and stop eating cookie dough and sign up, but then I figured that if I wait for that zen moment it will never happen.

So I joined. I join with resentment and grumpiness and no expectation of success, but I join. Hopefully I'll start losing and my attitude will catch up.