Not Too Shabby - With A Mama's Help

So I missed the weigh-in this week, but I have to tell you that I'm feeling really good about everything.

I did go and visit mom this weekend, but because she's an old hand at WW she had WW-friendly snacks and meals ready to go. I went over my daily allowance a few times, but I don't think I used up all of my flex points for the week.

I'm getting used to consuming less. I still get hungry, but I also get full more quickly so I don't feel like I'm throwing food into a black hole. I actually get FULL.

I've also been off the sugar for two weeks and the change in my mood is remarkable. I'm just... stable. I get mad or sad or happy, but I don't get them all at once and they don't fluctuate wildly. I feel normal. Normal? Me?

The thing that prompted this desperate throwing-myself-at-Weight Watchers was a sudden and unattractive hanging gut. It was the grossest thing I've ever seen and it pulled at my body like a shirt that's too tight.

Well, it's gone. Whatever I've lost, my waist is back and my face is MUCH thinner. I feel better about myself.

Keep it up, me! It's working!

Love,

Me

Fickle, Fickle Digestive System

I'm sure there will be a backlash at some point, but yesterday I ate everything I wanted to and wound up three points under my daily points requirement. Today I had a banana for breakfast and am only now considering adding my usual oatmeal.

I no longer feel starved.

It's so weird. When I ate everything in sight I felt starvation constantly. Now I'm restricting what I eat to a reasonable amount and suddenly I'm not hungry anymore.

Guts are so fucking weird.

A P.S.

Oh, and the reason that I didn't gain wait this past week was those WW candies that I was counting as one point per candy? They are one point per PACK.

So the day I was starving it was because I was actually 7 points under my daily points. 7 points is a meal. I was missing a meal.

DURH.

Wearing My Big Girl Pants

Weight Watcher's Weigh-in today, peeps.

203.6

I've given away 1.8 pounds.

Wallace has a potty book and the final few pages say:

"YAY! I did it! And now I know I can!
I went in the potty and I will do it again!
No more diapers now, I'm as happy as can be,
I get to wear big-kid pants.
I'M SO PROUD OF ME!"

Last week I was in a very bad way, Peeps. It took me a few days to get my act together, and I wasn't true to my points allowance, but I had yet another breakthrough. It's the same breakthrough I've had before, but it's still true.

Without the sugar I'm on such an even keel. Two nights ago I was out and wanted to get Wallace a hair cut. We went to Burger King. I was defiant and full of toddler rage about food. I wanted that Burger King! So I got it.

And when I ate it, I found that while, yeah, it was nice, I actually cared about being healthy more. It immediately ceased being about what Weight Watchers would "let" me have, and started being a more mature, "What do I actually want?" type of thing.

Today I lost 1.8lbs, even with my oopses. This past week I did it, and now I know I can. I stuck with my points some days and I will do it again. No more fatty now, I'm as happy as can be. I can wear my Big Kid pants. I'M SO PROUD OF ME!

Hating What Is Good For Me

I started Weight Watchers last Monday, with my actual following-of-the-diet to begin on Tuesday. Except Tuesday was Jury Duty and Halloween, so that did not exactly go to plan.

Then Wendesday I did okay in the morning, but wound up feeling deprived and put-upon and gorged in the evening. Bye-bye, Wednesday!

Yesterday I was determined to follow my points allwance. Absolutely determined. And I did it. And I can tell you honestly that I don't know when I've ever been that hungry in my whole fucking life.

I had:

1 cup Cheerios - 2pts
1 cup No sugar soymilk - 2pts
1 large apple - 2pts
1 banana - 2 pts
1 sm tub bluberry lowfat yogurt - 3pts
1 pack of "fruities", no sugar candy - 8 pts
2 and a half servings of crock pot dinner (2/3 cup one serving) - 5pts
1 skinny cow ice cream sandwich - 2pts

That all adds up to my point allowance of 26 points.

Now, maybe it's just me, but that looks like a horribly megre amount of food. Where's lunch in that? Was the tub of fuckign yogurt lunch? Because it took me two seconds to eat it and it did nothing about the hunger.

My stomach was actually RUMBLING last night.

But I did it. I stuck to it. It made me crazy like someone going off the herion, but I did it.

And today I'm actually feeling ritious and good. DAMMIT. One day off sugar and I'm no longer experiencing the mood swings. Seriously. How come I cannot stay off it? I'm obviously much happier, not to mention my poor family, when I'm off the sugar and more emotionally stable.

I don't know if I'm ever going to learn this, but I'm going to try.

Today I've had two packets of lowfat oatmeal and a banana, and I'm still feeling ritious.

Cross your fingers for me, peeps. This is fucking HARD.

The Right Thing To Do

So, Peeps, I'm back at Weight Watchers. We just had our first meeting and oh, how different it is from the first WW meeting I was ever at.

They've gotten cleverer and cleverer and more streamlined. They've also really gotten good at defining and motivating weight loss. It seems stupid and cliche, but I really did leave the meeting feeling like I could do this. And not because I'm a total superhero, yeah man! but because one step at a time is all it takes.

Not unlike what Kate and Dawn have been saying here. Baby steps.

My weigh-in was 205.4. That was painful, but not NEARLY as painful as I thought it would be. If I can be at 205.4 and eat a plateful of cookies every night, think what will happen when I stop.

Hang in there with me. I don't want to look like this anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. The only person I'm hurting is me. I want to give myself permission to get out of fat jail.

Dear Krissy Poopyhands:

LET ME OUT OF FAT JAIL!

Love,

Krissy Poopyhands

A Visit to WW Past

Kate was kind enough, in the comments below, to post:

So my point is, I think you'll enjoy it, I certainly hope so. Good luck!!!

She's right. I'm a return visitor to the Weight Watchers program. I generally lose 20lbs or so on WW (although I've never started it as heavy as I am now). Historically I last longer with WW than with anything else, and they helped form the basis of what I understand as healthy eating, particularly in terms of portions.

I get frustrated easily with the program because the recepies all tend to include items that I can't have too often. Lemon or onions, mostly. Without those ingredients, many of the recepies are inedibly disgusting.

Still, the idea is great and the weekly weigh-in is good motivation.

This time around I'm stressed. REALLY STRESSED. I'm eating like a maniac, and while I should stop it, I don't feel so inclined. In fact, I feel inclined to STUFF MY FUCKING FACE FUCK YOU WEIGHT WATCHERS. I was waiting for a zen moment to stop hating myself and stop eating cookie dough and sign up, but then I figured that if I wait for that zen moment it will never happen.

So I joined. I join with resentment and grumpiness and no expectation of success, but I join. Hopefully I'll start losing and my attitude will catch up.

Weight Fucking Watchers

I just joined Weight Watchers. I'm feeling very, very surly about it. In my head I'm DARING someone to tell me I can't eat brownies.

I don't know that this is a good beginning.

Back after a long hiatus

I'm back because I hate myself.

I'm back here because during this stressful part of my life I have been eating and eating and eating just to try and cover up how lost and alone and in-over-my-head I feel.

I can't stand pictures of me. I can't stand seeing my reflection in a window. And I can't stop eating.

I hate myself.

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

197.4

Weight gain: .4
% Body Weight gained: .2

You know, I never thought that 197.4 would look good, but given that my entire three-week vacation was spent indulging in cookies, candy, pizza and other various and sundry delicious treats, I was expecting to be up above 200 again. I'm not! I'm still fat, but I'm not over 200lbs.

I'll take it as a victory and feel good about myself today.

I also think that I'm going to find a dance class to take, hopefully two nights a week, and try and get into shape that way.

I was never so thin or happy as when I was swing dancing. I miss the swing scene so much sometimes. Although, of course I could never do what I did then and mother at the same time.

I like to move it, move it...

Oooooooo. Professional Slime!

Someone has commented below:

Maybe if you didn't have your little fucker brat, you'd still have a somewhat cute figure. 200 pounds?! DAMN - you're HUGE! Don't bother responding - the address is spoofed. ;)

I love the dickless/entirely lacks testicles approach. See, John Josephs there wouldn't be brave enough to so much as waft his personal stench in the direction of a woman in real life, fat or not. Instead he leaves anonymous nastygrams to random people while masturbating furiously.

Watch that hand, John. It's likely to fall off! But keep up the attempts to communicate and someday you, yes you, will even be able to talk to a REAL girl! Probably only on a weekender chat line, and she probably won't be a real girl, but hey, it's better than life now!

Meanwhile I'd like to agree that yes, I'm huge. And no, it isn't the fucker brat (for which phrasing you'll be going straight to hell, have a nice trip) it's actually the neverending eating and total lack of exercise. Next time try paying attention before you infest another site with your particular brand of inanity. The rude and pointless post would be more palatable if you had exhibited a modicum of actual intelligence.

Meanwhile, for those of you who's mothers had kids that lived, soon there will be another weigh-in. A post-vacation weigh in. At which time my elephantine ass will get on the scale and break it all to hell.

Will there be another tsunami? Will entire coastlines run in terror?

Stay tuned!

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

197.0

Weight gain: .2
% Body Weight gained: 0.1

I'm a whole 1.4 pounds lighter than when I started this project. I'm feeling like an elephant today.

God, I'm all over rashy, I'm sick, and I'm fat.

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm attractive.

I think that this all has a lot more to do with what a I don't do than with what I do. I haven't figured out yet how to say No. How long will it take? Do alcoholics wonder this? What is it going to take?

I hate my body for so many reasons.

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

196.8

Weight gain: 1.2
% Body Weight gained: 0.6

Fuck.

I'm fat and I hate myself. I know everyone says to ixnay the elfsay atehay, but dude.. the difference between WOO HOO! LOOK AT ME! and Die you fat bitch appears to be all of ten pounds.

How depressing is it that I can't manage to keep ten pounds lighter?

Fuck.

How did you do?

Who I Want to Be

By Krissy Poopyhands

I want to be someone who can sit down and eat until I am full, and then stop.

I want to be someone who enjoys working out and is content to find four or five hours in a week to get out there and run.

I want to be someone who looks healthy. Who is able to project the overall effect of being generally fit.

I want to be someone who can walk into a Gap or Express and try on some clothes and have them fit. They don't have to be smalls, and they don't have to look good, they just have to zipper.

My brother-in-law is getting married a year from this coming July or August. His bride is adorable and teeny and he is thin. They are healthy vegan-types and are incredibly cool. I'm not, peeps, NOT going to the UK looking like this next year. Next to all the people in London I'll look like a beached whale.

I thought I'd put together a list of pictures that might help me keep in mind what I'd like to look like. Dresses that I'd like to be able to wear. On my first sweep through Google, this is what I came up with:

















I made this sweep a few weeks ago, playing with my imagination and hoping that I'd look a certain way. Upon reflection today I realized that I'm an idiot. If I lost every bit of fat on my body I wouldn't look like these women. When I'm fit, I'm not little. I'm muscular. The boobies! The Butt! It wouldn't look like these women do, no matter how infatuated I am with the wraithy gorgeousness of Cate Blanchett.

So I'm on a mission today to collect more realistic images of women I might resemble more if I became the sort of person who ate reasonable portions; stopped when she was full; and excercised regularly.

I'm going to be thinner when I get to London, peeps, because there are going to be baby Ts and clothes to try on. I'm not shopping in no UK fat lady stores.

P.S. - Doesn't Carrie Fisher look awful from the waist down in that photo? It's like normal torso than eeeny beeny legs. And her calves are about the thickness of her wrists. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

195.6

Weight gain: 1.2
% Body Weight gained: 0.6

It was a crap week that involved sitting around for long periods of time and pigging out on ice cream and cookies and other crap. I have been feeling awful, and there's something satisfying about my outside looking like my inside feels. Isn't that sick?

I need to keep at it. I need to cut out the sugar again. The sugar is a worse addiction than anything else I've ever encountered. Uck.

How was your week? Did you avoid the pit that I fell into?

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

194.4

Weight loss: -.8
% Body Weight lost: 0.4

So the runNANG and walking appears to have helped, because I certainly haven't been laying off the crap food the way I should.

How are you doing this week, peeps?

We Were Run-NING

How the hell do you ever hear it any other way if you've seen Forest Gump? Run-NANG.

Anyhow, the Troublemaker convinced me to go to the gym yesterday and we were run-NANG. It was far too hard to do, good lord it doesn't take long to get out of shape does it? But we did it. I walked/ran two miles. I also brought my stuff to go runNANG today at lunch.

Originally my goal was to try and work up a sweat for 30 minutes every day. That kind of got lost behind the cake and the fork, if you know what I mean. But it's time to get back on the wagon!



AgAIN.

Ugh.

Ready?

Here we go:

195.2

Weight loss: +.4
% Body Weight gained: 0.2

Look, I appear to have given up at some point during this process. This week I'm going to try and get back on board. You all help me so much by talking to me and telling me how you're doing. Don't disappear!

Where are you, peeps? How are you doing?

Wednesday Weigh In

Ready?

Here we go:

194.8

Weight loss: +1
% Body Weight gained: 0.5

Happy Anniversary to me! Guh. I hate this, I really do. I hate my body and would be just fine digging out the icky bits. WITH A SPORK.

How did you do this week?

A Giant Step!

In exactly the wrong direction.

There are a thousand excuses for it, peeps, up to and including the Happy Anniversary sheet cake that was oh-so-delicious, but I do NOT want to step on that scale tomorrow. No no no no.

I'll do it, because I love you, but I want you to know that I'm feeling very sorry for myself and put-upon by all this. What kind of universe is it where I have to learn to not eat half a sheet cake??? The crappy kind, that's what.

The Troublemaker says that the only losing is if I give up. So I'm going to keep trying. Again. I'm getting tired of trying, but I'm also not going to die of a heart attack at 40. Period.

Damn, this is tough.

BACK, FOUL SCALE! BACK!

Anyone else out there afraid?