Say Ten Hail Marys and Eat a Carrot

Or: Higher Math

In a comment below, ELEE wrote:

I find it interesting that OA uses the "higher power" when weight loss, for me, is all about ME BEING IN CONTROL. *I* am the only one who controls what food goes into my mouth. And *I* am the only one that can put one foot in front of the other to get my A$$ out the door at 5:30 in the morning for a daily walk. The "God (or whoever) is in control" mantra completely baffles me.

My biggest hurdle, therefore, is Taking control. Because like another of your commenters on your other site, usually I want to turn in my Grown-Up card and let someone else do the hard things for me. :) Like finances. And Work. And Counting Calories.

I think that is a very astute observation; perhaps is essentially the difference between type A and type B personalities, and calls for some clarification into the difference between control and accountability.

To begin, we need to examine the nature of weight loss and gain. In its simplest form, weight loss is a math problem. We utilize X amount of calories in a period of time, we require X amount of cals to cover that expenditure. Should we exceed spending what we deposit, we deplete the fat. Should we exceed depositing what we spend, we gain it. Of course, there are days when the numbers are skewed more one way than another; your bank account dips and rises, yes?; but over time the numbers should approach a nice healthy = sign.

Of course, there are things that can affect that equation. If you are unlucky enough to have an impaired metabolism you have to seriously decrease the amount your body utilizes and that can lower your intake number to ridiculous levels. If you have an overactive thyroid and your body uses enormous amounts of energy it can be tough to increase intake levels to match. But, at the end of the day, the formula is the same. That's why for a billion years the best weight loss advice has been "Eat less, exercise more". Which is another way of saying: "Decrease input, increase output". (Also why WW tends to work. They live this math.)

Having established this as TRUTH, why do so many of us have difficulties?

There are many reasons an individual may have a tough time. Physical handicaps that prevent exercise or halt the processing of food. Medications that increase the sensation that your body needs additional cals that it actually doesn't. In most cases the only advice is to do the best you can and try and love yourself no matter what the result.

However, for most of the people I know, including myself darlings, the answer is that we take a math question and pretend it's a fiction essay. We hover and chew over feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings that having fat/seeing fat/fearing fat/feeling fat/dreaming fat/wanting fat evoke and as we do we find ever more reasonable excuses to eat chocolate cake. For chrissake, my navel-gazing over at Speckblog could make stone cry and yet has nothing whatever to do with the pounds on my thighs.

My mom didn't teach me the right skills

I eat when I'm depressed

I eat when I'm happy

My family always ate like this

I just feel so down unless I have a little something sweet

It's the DON'T BLAME ME I'M THE VICTIM! syndrome, and it's ridiculous how many individuals have bought into this piece of pap. Dude, if you're under 16 I might buy that your home life sets you up to fail and it's not your faaaaaaaauuuult. Anyone over 18 who has been out of the basement in the last ten years gives me that line of bull and I fall all over myself laughing. As we have discussed, the buck stops with you (me).

We are all accountable for what we do to our bodies.

However, control is something else entirely. Control is an active, not passive state. Active states are easy to maintain over short periods, but become more difficult to sustain long-term. In the end, particularly for type A personalities such as myself, control becomes the built-in release valve that ensures failure.

I lock down control of all food and all exercise. I control my environment entirely and eat nothing bad and exercise to extreme levels. I am BIONIC WOMAN. Then, as all superheroes eventually do, I fail. I go to a party where there's cake and have a slice. I fail to wake up in time to get to the gym. I'm human. It's what happens.

At that point my CONTROL is gone and I think to myself, "You fat, horrid pig. Since you are obviously not fit to be in CONTROL then you might as well have another cookie". It's the myth that in all times and places I am going to make 100% good choices and because I am IN CONTROL, pathologically so, when I fall I abandon all effort and sink into self-loathing.

Giving up control to a higher power is actually very passive. Frankly, giving up control at all is very passive. Ghandi was fantastic at it and is a good example to look to. The world exists. I exist. I do not need to chew (as it were) over whether or not I will eat that piece of cake for the next three hours because it's not my decision. My higher power makes the decision for me because I will make a mistake and eat the cake.

I have found (in the whole five days I've been working this way, so bear in mind my opinion is as fickle as a summer breeze) that this way of looking at the decisions surrounding food takes phenomenally less effort. Less effort means a longer sustainability.

Also, if I fall, as I will, being human and all, that doesn't mean that anything internally is awry. It simply means that I stepped forward and made one bad decision that is reversible and certainly minor as long as I don't repeat it. Until the next slip up.

Please keep in mind that I have no idea whether or not this approach will work, but it seems to be working for a lot of folks in OA and is the only way I have ever seen individuals sustain significant healthy living over any long-term period. It has to stop being a battle because all of us get battle-weary.

Of course, then there is the type B personality who is likely to decide that it's SEP (Somebody Else's Problem) and ignore the whole thing. I think that what folks who feel that way should examine is the concept of accountability. Nobody else will not eat the cookie for you. You have to be willing to accept that the fate of the cookie is in your hands, and then give that decision up to someone/something that can make a better one that you're likely to.

And I didn't mean to get all preachy, but I'm really typing to myself here. The Give It Up plan is a new one for me and I'm still working through the mental wedgies involved.

I adore picking mental wedgies.