When my mom was in town we had a big conversation about weight loss motivation and talked about the Overeaters Anonymous thing where I have a problem with a higher power. Essentially, it comes down to giving up control. Accepting that I'm not able to be in charge of everything. Ask anyone who knows me: I am notoriously bad at this.
My mom called it the monkey and the jar syndrome. If you give a monkey a jar with a treat inside he will put his hand inside, grab the object but can't get his hand out with the treat because his hand is in a fist. Rather than open his fist very often that monkey will sit there and suffer just holding on to that treat. Refusing to let go no matter how much he suffers with this jar on his hand.
She also told me, very insightfully, that I have a hard time feeling like I can achieve anything unless I'm angry about it. I would argue that the proper word is "passionate", but I can't deny that thus far all attacks on my weight have been just that. I break out the big guns and run myself ragged and whip myself bloody over every mistake and go go go!
And then, predictably, about a month into the process I get tired. Exhausted. I run out of steam entirely and wind up eating whatever I see because I just can't fight it anymore.
This time around I am trying to find a way to let go. A way to agree to come to terms with the reality of my food and weight without entering into the grand fight. I think that letting go of the anger and passion is the way to get out of the rut I'm in and maybe learn to give up some control. Any time I feel myself tensing up or embarking on some self-loathing, I remind myself that it hasn't gotten me anywhere permanent before. Why would it now?
Only a madman does the same thing over and over again and expects a different outcome.
I'm trying to find a quiet center. A way to let go. So far I'm doing okay and have been able to turn down most of the sweets that have been offered to me.
What is your biggest weight-loss hurdle, do you think?
2 comments:
I find it interesting that OA uses the "higher power" when weight loss, for me, is all about ME BEING IN CONTROL. *I* am the only one who controls what food goes into my mouth. And *I* am the only one that can put one foot in front of the other to get my A$$ out the door at 5:30 in the morning for a daily walk. The "God (or whoever) is in control" mantra completely baffles me.
My biggest hurdle, therefore, is Taking control. Because like another of your commenters on your other site, usually I want to turn in my Grown-Up card and let someone else do the hard things for me. :) Like finances. And Work. And Counting Calories.
I've been wanting to "Sign Up" to do this with you (I need to lose about 5 lbs, but I SERIOUSLY need to just be healthy/workout regularly)... but I'm scared of the swimsuit photos. :) I'd do it, though, if we must.
Maybe.
Ahhhhhhh... this is a good post... I'm actually going to respond to part of it in the main blog.
However, my dear, I would love love love to have you along for the trip sans photo. You don't have to post any picture in order to join.
Take one for yourself, though, so you can feel good about yourself later.
Also, keep in mind that I have to lose approximately 50lbs, so for me the photos are likely to be dramatic. Assuming I lose the weight. ;-)
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