Who I Want to Be

By Krissy Poopyhands

I want to be someone who can sit down and eat until I am full, and then stop.

I want to be someone who enjoys working out and is content to find four or five hours in a week to get out there and run.

I want to be someone who looks healthy. Who is able to project the overall effect of being generally fit.

I want to be someone who can walk into a Gap or Express and try on some clothes and have them fit. They don't have to be smalls, and they don't have to look good, they just have to zipper.

My brother-in-law is getting married a year from this coming July or August. His bride is adorable and teeny and he is thin. They are healthy vegan-types and are incredibly cool. I'm not, peeps, NOT going to the UK looking like this next year. Next to all the people in London I'll look like a beached whale.

I thought I'd put together a list of pictures that might help me keep in mind what I'd like to look like. Dresses that I'd like to be able to wear. On my first sweep through Google, this is what I came up with:

















I made this sweep a few weeks ago, playing with my imagination and hoping that I'd look a certain way. Upon reflection today I realized that I'm an idiot. If I lost every bit of fat on my body I wouldn't look like these women. When I'm fit, I'm not little. I'm muscular. The boobies! The Butt! It wouldn't look like these women do, no matter how infatuated I am with the wraithy gorgeousness of Cate Blanchett.

So I'm on a mission today to collect more realistic images of women I might resemble more if I became the sort of person who ate reasonable portions; stopped when she was full; and excercised regularly.

I'm going to be thinner when I get to London, peeps, because there are going to be baby Ts and clothes to try on. I'm not shopping in no UK fat lady stores.

P.S. - Doesn't Carrie Fisher look awful from the waist down in that photo? It's like normal torso than eeeny beeny legs. And her calves are about the thickness of her wrists. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.